Camilla's Journey Tracker

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Thursday, 19 April 2012

Am I Scared of Success?

When I’m driving, I tend to have the clearest thoughts. Today was no different. Amongst the multitude of things fluttering through my brain like butterflies, I picked out some pretty important topics to mull over. If this program works for me, why do I deviate? If I know what I need to do to succeed, why don’t I?

I’ve already proven this program does work AND it works for me. It’s not rocket science. Ensure you put less in than you put out. That’s basic maths. So why do I find it so hard to stick to it?

Only one reason cropped to mind and I’m not sure what to make of it yet.

I’m afraid of succeeding. I’m afraid of becoming a 12WBT Success.

Why? That was my first question….

Before 12WBT I led a quiet life alone. I didn’t really socialise, I kept to myself, clothes didn’t interest me and I didn’t get out much. I centred my life around facebook and the interactive games on it. I though that a life through fb would be enough to satisfy me. Now I know it isn’t. In fact I’ve quit all but one game and even that one I’m no longer a dedicated and committed player. My Friday nights were nachos nights followed by Sara Lee ice-cream – yep the whole bag of corn chips with mountains of salsa, cheese and offcourse the light sour cream – the whole tub of ice-cream – yep the entire thing! My Saturdays were nearly gone before I even got out of bed. I preferred to be at work because it gave me a purpose.

For good and for bad – 12WBT has changed me. I say bad because I’m still coming to terms with it.

I now have a life outside. I enjoy an active and social life. I get out and about, I’m no longer ashamed of going to the gym – actually I love it. I’m not scared of as many challenges, yep, some still tip me but I do attempt everything put in front of me challenge wise.

Do I miss nachos? Yes I do, every Friday it crosses my mind but it doesn’t change my actions. I am still having low cal dinners and I don’t feel deprived. I love getting out in my lycra and attempting to shuffle/jog/die. I enjoy setting myself challenges and breaking them. The weight that has been my battle enemy for so long is finally being defeated but I am slowing down the journey.
When I’ve achieved my goals, then what?

Once I complete my journey, what happens? So much of my life is focussed on this that I’m scared what will happen when I reach and maintain goal, and complete the lean and strong program. I want to be fit and healthy and I know this is a life long thing but what happens after? All the hype and social aspects of 12WBT will surely fade. I know I’ll still eat clean and still be moving heaps, but what else will fill my life? I no longer have an interest in conquering ogres in an online role playing game – I want more. I deserve more.

So with this weighing on my mind I type this post. I still haven’t quite worked out how to deal with it. I know this is a major mindset hurdle and it’s holding me back. It needs my focus. I need to get over it so that I can continue. I will let you know the solution when I think of it.


  1. Isn't it amazing what mental/mind/psyche changes are going on as we do the 12wbt? I guess we have to have faith at some stage that it will all work out for the best. You are doing the best for you to be the best version of you - that will bring myriad rewards in and of itself.

  2. I honestly didn't expect to take half the journey I have with 12WBT. I'm a convert and an advocate! I can't recommend the program enough!