Confessions of this Diet Queen

 

I’m a diet queen. I have been on Jenny Craig, attempted counting WW points, lost a lot on 12WBT, I’ve applied to be a contestant on TBL, I’ve tried the Dukan diet, the Soho diet, the Soup diet, the Cabbage diet, the laxative diet. Yep, I’ve been on this journey for quite some time, striving for that elusive goal of happiness.

Did anyone else pick up on it?

I have been dieting to become happy. Do you see a problem with this? Since when does weight make you ‘happy’. I know plenty of ‘larger than life’ people who are very positive, and very happy and on the other end of the scale, I also know some slim, very negative people who exist to bring others down.

Weight doesn’t define happiness. It never has, it never will.

 For some of you, this revelation is not new. You’ve known this all along. As someone who struggles with having fat and being unhealthy, this is a new concept to me.

Each time I go through a ‘phase’ which is all it has been up until now, I’ve had my typical light bulb moment, where something has twigged inside and spurred me on. I generally put weight back on, but usually not to my starting weight.

This time, I think a rather large lightbulb has just come on.

 

Losing weight alone will not make me happy.

I am in charge of my happiness. I need to become happy with who I am, accept myself faults and all. Although I’m not 100% there, I now understand the concept. Understanding the concept has been a major step in regaining my ‘mojo’. As you would know from previous posts, my ‘mojo’ went MIA some time back and I’ve been trying to find it ever since. Well, it’s back.

My trainer at bootcamp gave a really inspirational little speech on Monday that rang very true for me – this was the second piece that really kicked me into gear. Tash mentioned that even though we were all getting fitter and better with our technique, we shouldn’t get lazy and let our workouts become easy. If you get better at something, you can still push yourself 110%. You should push yourself so that you feel like you did the very first week of bootcamp. I was one of those ‘lazy’ people who was still working at 90% because I thought it was that I was getting fitter – not that I’d found my comfort level. So since then I’ve been upping the ante and pushing really hard and I’m feeling it. I’ve had a drastic change in body shape this week, I’m very exhausted, my appetite is down but I’m feeling fantastic (well, if you ignore the being tired part).

On Saturday we have our 4 week weigh in and body fat percentage assessment and for once, I can’t wait. I am certain I’ll be happy with the results because I couldn’t train any harder than what I’ve done. I couldn’t have eaten any cleaner than what I’ve done. This is my week, and I own it.

Stay tuned on Saturday to find out how I went.