Thursday, 13 September 2012
Obese by Choice?
What a loaded question! I know when I read that question I am infuriated and filled with rage.
Hearing comments like "It's your choice" and "Just cause it's there doesn't mean you have to eat it" drives me insane.
I didn't get fat overnight. I didn't get fat by a magical spell. I know that I got fat by eating. I didn't intentionally set out to eat crap and put on weight. I didn't set myself a goal to become obese by the time I was 30. It wasn't on my bucket list and never did it make my "to do list".
I think that unless you've been in similar shoes and walked a similar journey you don't understand obesity.
There is a reason I consumed the food. I'm still uncovering the reason behind this, it's not clear to me yet, but day by day something new comes to light.
When I look at obesity, in relation to myself, and this is only my opinion, I compare myself to an alcoholic, or a drug addict.
I have an addiction to food. For a lot of years I didn't know how hunger felt, or how to tell when I was full. I could go days without eating at all and then binge on whatever I could get my hands on.
Just like an alcoholic struggles around alcohol, a drug addict around drugs, I struggle with food.
I choose to beat obesity.
I know this is my weakness. I keep my house free of junk for that reason. I know in time I will permit it back in but at the moment the temptation is too great and the risk is something I can't handle. With time an alcoholic's willpower to resist the urge to consume alcohol becomes bearable, manageable, so will my addiction with food.
For those of you who haven't been obese, you will have no idea what I'm talking about. I have had those close to me tell me they understand, only in the next breath to question it. I don't blame them, they just don't know.
If there is junk food in my house, I will find it and I will eat it - rephrase that, I will in most instances inhale it and then regret it and punish myself. It's not a nice way of putting it, but I don't have the self control I need yet. I don't know how to explain this rollercoaster to those who haven't been there. I hope that some of you reading this are realising how different I see things. I know other people in similar situations feel the same.
I can't buy a block of chocolate or a pack of tim tams and stop at one. I can't buy icecream and only have a scoop or two. I eat it all. I leave no evidence. If needed, I will drive to a public bin to dispose of the rubbish so that I'm not caught out.
To be honest, I'm not that bad anymore. I now just don't buy junk. If I do, I buy it in small portions so there are no left overs. I don’t hide my rubbish anymore because I realise that nobody is going through my bins. It's taken nearly 12 months for me to realise this though.
So if your loved one, your friend or your colleague tells you that they are losing weight, don't just assume they're vain - there could be more to their journey than you will ever know. If someone is struggling with an addiction, you don't put the item the person is addicted to in front of them. You support them, talk to them, stick by them and help them through the lows and celebrate the highs with them.
This post isn't aimed at anyone. This is just a post for me to get this off my chest. This post, or something similar, has been playing on my mind for a while. I wasn't sure how to word it. I'm still not sure I've worded it right. No doubt I'll offend someone so I apologise in advance.
This is just my thoughts written down, there is no research except of that into my own life and my own experiences.