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Thursday, 13 September 2012

Obese by Choice?

What a loaded question! I know when I read that question I am infuriated and filled with rage.
Hearing comments like "It's your choice" and "Just cause it's there doesn't mean you have to eat it" drives me insane.
I didn't get fat overnight. I didn't get fat by a magical spell. I know that I got fat by eating. I didn't intentionally set out to eat crap and put on weight. I didn't set myself a goal to become obese by the time I was 30. It wasn't on my bucket list and never did it make my "to do list".
I think that unless you've been in similar shoes and walked a similar journey you don't understand obesity.
There is a reason I consumed the food. I'm still uncovering the reason behind this, it's not clear to me yet, but day by day something new comes to light.
When I look at obesity, in relation to myself, and this is only my opinion, I compare myself to an alcoholic, or a drug addict.
I have an addiction to food. For a lot of years I didn't know how hunger felt, or how to tell when I was full. I could go days without eating at all and then binge on whatever I could get my hands on.
Just like an alcoholic struggles around alcohol, a drug addict around drugs, I struggle with food.
I choose to beat obesity.
I know this is my weakness. I keep my house free of junk for that reason. I know in time I will permit it back in but at the moment the temptation is too great and the risk is something I can't handle. With time an alcoholic's willpower to resist the urge to consume alcohol becomes bearable, manageable, so will my addiction with food.
For those of you who haven't been obese, you will have no idea what I'm talking about. I have had those close to me tell me they understand, only in the next breath to question it. I don't blame them, they just don't know.
If there is junk food in my house, I will find it and I will eat it - rephrase that, I will in most instances inhale it and then regret it and punish myself. It's not a nice way of putting it, but I don't have the self control I need yet. I don't know how to explain this rollercoaster to those who haven't been there. I hope that some of you reading this are realising how different I see things. I know other people in similar situations feel the same.
I can't buy a block of chocolate or a pack of tim tams and stop at one. I can't buy icecream and only have a scoop or two. I eat it all. I leave no evidence. If needed, I will drive to a public bin to dispose of the rubbish so that I'm not caught out.
To be honest, I'm not that bad anymore. I now just don't buy junk. If I do, I buy it in small portions so there are no left overs. I don’t hide my rubbish anymore because I realise that nobody is going through my bins. It's taken nearly 12 months for me to realise this though.
So if your loved one, your friend or your colleague tells you that they are losing weight, don't just assume they're vain - there could be more to their journey than you will ever know. If someone is struggling with an addiction, you don't put the item the person is addicted to in front of them. You support them, talk to them, stick by them and help them through the lows and celebrate the highs with them.
This post isn't aimed at anyone. This is just a post for me to get this off my chest. This post, or something similar, has been playing on my mind for a while. I wasn't sure how to word it. I'm still not sure I've worded it right. No doubt I'll offend someone so I apologise in advance.
This is just my thoughts written down, there is no research except of that into my own life and my own experiences.


  1. Congrats on getting it out there and owning up to one of the issues that have led to your journey. Owning our problems is one step closer to mastering them. I own that I made choices that led to my obesity, whether that was by me not getting help when I should have, eating too much (I wasn't forced to) and now I own remedying that. You are awesome Camilla xx

  2. You are amazing, and this is a great post.
    Love, Bella

  3. Go you! I've never been obese, but I have been in a place where I was beginning a food addiction. I still go weak at the knees for chocolate and anything sweet, I can't stop eating pick'n'mix until I feel queasy and ill. I can understand you plenty and I applaud you for going out there and beating it.

    In the days of at least half the food in the supermarket being junk it is harder than ever to resist but you can do it!!

  4. Wonderful post Camilla. Good on you for bravely speaking the truth of your journey and experiences with obesity... You mentioned that you're still uncovering the reason behind your compulsion to eat. I would like to suggest that you read my article here and go through the coaching questions, I am sure it will help you to uncover the underlying reasons a bit more. Let me know if there's anything I can do to assist you on your journey back to the slim, healthy, self-loving person deep inside.

  5. Camilla that was so beautiful and thank you for your honesty. I can relate to you on so many levels and shed a tear or two as i know the feelngs and urges you describe. I hope you become the beautiful person you are destined to be and wish nothing but love to come your way.

  6. Thanks to all your beautiful comments. It's thanks to your support that I continue my journey. Kylie, I will check out that link tomorrow night when it's not so late. Thanks again for taking the time to read!!

  7. Camilla , all the things you wrote in this blog post I can relate to . A thin friend of mine cannot understand how I can buy two packs of family size crisps and eat a whole one by myself in the car on the way home etc etc . You know what I'm talking about but people who don't battle with weight issues think that we are weak , gluttonous ,etc . All we can do is support each other and try to be mindful every day of what we put in our mouths. And ,YES , don't buy the naughty stuff !

  8. Well written, brutally honest and probably what a lot of people don't want to confront. Love the fact that you shoot straight from the hip.

    It is tough to be so honest about yourself in an open forum and you don't have to apologise to anyone.

  9. Thanks Gina and Greg for your support xo