Today was the first day of the 12wbt round.
Today it all begun.
Today I still haven't had time to go through my menu, do the shopping or print out my exercise.
Today I still haven't done my measurements.
Yesterday I did step on the scales.
Imagine my horror when I realised that I was sliding back up the numbers instead of down.
I haven't regained everything I've lost, but I'm not heading in the right direction.
It was like somebody winded me.
I couldn't breathe, then I couldn't see. Hot salty tears were blinding my vision as I stared at the pictures on my screen that were supposed to be depicting me. As I look at them, I think back to last year and have a look at my 'lighter' photos. My sobs just get louder. I feel like an ogre who is becoming her fate as time ticks on.
After my weight loss last year, I thought I was still eating healthily. I did a few spot checks, and although they were closer to 1500 than 1200 on average per day, it certainly wasn't like I was eating 3000 calories a day. Based on my calculations, I must have been eating at least 3000 calories as my BMR (basal metabolic rate is just over 2800), to see my weight increase.
Last year at my dexascan, post-finale, I weighed 100.6kg. This was an awesome achievement and saw my end goal of 80-85kg near, almost touchable. Now as I sit here between 107-108kg I am absolutely disgusted. Actually, disgusted doesn't cover it, I can't think of the word to use.
Each time I look at those photos I wonder where my mojo went.
Why did I not notice the gain?
If I did notice, why didn't I do anything about it?
Now that I am trying to do something about it, why can't it be like last year where it just clicked for me.
When it comes to your health, to your body, what are you willing to sacrifice?
Will you sacrifice your health for money?
This is what I feel like I'm doing. If I give up a job, I'll have more time to spend on me, but as I'm living on a budget for 1 with a mortgage, lease car and personal loan on top of what I owe the parentals, am I prepared to step back and only have the very basics. Will that be enough for me? For the first time in over five years my budget is finally back in the green and it's taken a long, long time to get there. I'm not debt free, but I would certainly like to focus on that.
How do you choose between these priorities?
Some may say it's easy, just choose your health. How much of my health will be sacrificed when I can't afford the gym, or bootcamp, or perhaps my rates or keeping my food healthy and as natural as possible? What lengths are you prepared to go to? What's your achilles heel?
If you were wearing my shoes - what would you do??
Here are the pics -you have been warned...