Ugly. Ugly. Ugg-ley.

Envy.

Defn. A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another.

I've been quiet on the home front for a few days. I haven't been intentionally ignoring you. I've been trying to work out how to put into words the emotions and feelings I'm riding at the moment. It's been an interesting and very draining time.

This week the green eyed monster has appeared in nearly all parts of my life. I'm struggling with simple every day concepts and even the small stuff seems like it's over-shadowing me. Everything is overwhelming and I feel I'm losing control in a big way. As I'm a self-confessed control freak, that alone makes me anxious and nervous.

**breathes into a brown paper bag**

So what am I jealous of? What is it that others have that I want?

I want to be fit. I want to be healthy. I want a great life filled with family and friends. I want veggie gardens. I want chooks. I want time off. I want my weekends back. I want to work less. I want to earn more. I want less debt. I want to be closer to my dreams.

I feel like throwing a tantrum to compete with a two year old!

I want! I WANT! I WANT IT NOW!!!

Oh yes, my patience isn't at full capacity either…

I'm grumpy. I'm irritable. I'm frustrated.

Why?

I haven't taken time out to look after myself. If I don't look after myself, how am I supposed to be the best version of me? This week I've found myself getting caught up in absolutely everything and on top of it being very draining, my iron levels aren't back on track yet so my fatigue and poor sleep isn't helping either. I was so focussed and then I let this happen.

I guess I'm human. I'm not perfect and that's okay. I need to know it's okay not to be perfect. I need just that one piece of wisdom to sink into my head so I can move on.

I need to stop comparing my life and my journey to that of others. Although we walk similar journeys, we all wear different shoes, take different routes and stop to smell different flowers. We are not the same. It'd be a pretty boring world if we were (unless of course the world is filled with many different versions of me in which case the world would be AWESOME).

So what am I going to do to change the path I'm on right now that obviously isn't the most beneficial nor productive for me.

I'm going back to the old adage - Fake it till you make it!

Back to basics. I will plan my Saturday to ensure that I get things done that are going to put me back in control. I am going to get things off that to do list which is haunting me.

So, let me take a moment to be completely honest. I'm hoping this will hold me accountable so I don't just "waste" my only day off (working 6 days a week can take its toll).

To Do List for Saturday 22nd September 2012

Washing (There's at least 3 loads needing to be done on top of bed linnen and towels)

Clean Bathroom Fully (that's a standard Saturday thing)

Clean Kitchen Fully (that's a standard Saturday thing)

Super Saturday Session - Burn 1000 calories (Gym Class at 8.15)

Plant out my herbs for my herb garden (well in seedling thingies)

Set my food plan and exercise plan for next week

Catch up on the mail

Add another 10 items to eBay to sell

Weed the tilled veggie patch

Set out my square foot gardening locations

Set out a plan to finish my Diploma

Iron uniforms

Set goals

Set up new inspiration board

Well I think that just about covers it. Nothing like a million things to do in limited time as I'm helping a friend sell raffle tickets for the Rural Firies at Bouldy from 3pm. Is this list possible? Am I setting myself up to fail?

If there are any of you out there who work on average 55 - 65 hours a week over 6 days, how do you plan your week? How do you ensure you get everything done and you stay on top of things? How do you learn to keep it all in control so you don't lose your only day off?

I've got friends who care for me and are concerned with the hours I do but to achieve my financial goals, these hours can't change right now. Look forward to hearing all of your tips and advice to keep me sane and on track.