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Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Faith, Belief and .... Cheese?

Today I've felt the need to write but I've been at loss as to what to write about.
I asked a dear friend what they may recommend and I was advised: faith, belief …. Or cheese.
I love cheese. My all time favourite is Jarlsberg and I could sit and eat nothing else. In fact, it's one of those items that I have so little control over that I only ever buy it by the slice from the deli as a treat. As much as I'm a food addict with a weight problem, an entire post on cheese may not be the message I want to get across. Instead I'm going to focus on the power of faith and on the power of belief.
I believe in many things. I believe in Karma. I believe in early mornings and early nights. I believe that whatever you put out to the universe, you get returned. I believe that you treat others the way you'd like to be treated. I used to only believe in parts of myself - never my whole self.
I always believed that I could do my job or any job I applied for. If I set a materialistic goal, I believed I could reach it and normally did. Nothing seemed to hard or too far out of reach. Yes, I had to work hard but it was all achievable.
I have faith. I put my faith in God. I put my faith in the universe. I have faith that when I commit to something with my whole self, my body, my mind and my soul that I will achieve. So even with this faith, why did I also have doubt?
I found it easy to have faith in beliefs that were greater than myself. Up until recently I have only ever felt that I could control parts of my life that didn't include my health/body/esteem. I'm not sure where that came from, or how it never changed, but for the most part of my life that's how I've been. I've had comments mentioned to me that I am so confident in my work life and my volunteer work, why doesn't that transfer onto myself?
Quite honestly? I don't know. I have no idea.
When I used to look in the mirror I saw this great big lump of lard with way too much gum showing through the smile and a forehead that continued forever. I used to be disgusted at the very sight. I went to extremes to avoid my reflection, covering up mirrors etc in the places I lived to minimise the feelings that always followed.
For the second round this year, I focussed greatly on letting my mind catch up to where my body was at on my journey. I think they're not too far apart now and I know when I look in the mirror I see someone who closely resembles me. I don't see the disgusting image I'd seen for so long. It's almost a bit of a relief for the first microsecond when I look and realise that I'm not a lump anymore.
I still pick faults with my image and there are still many changes to complete on my forever changing 'to do' list.
One key for me to have come so far was a session I had with Emazon earlier in the year - at the end of round 1 to be exact. Now you might be wondering why this is surfacing again? Well Emazon is rumoured to be visiting Rockhampton in December. This is an event that I can't afford to miss. Please go and check out her website to see what you're missing out on - if you ever get the chance to go see her - DO IT! I command you - order you even!
Since I have learnt to become friends with myself again and tolerate my imperfections, I have been able to establish belief in myself again. I now believe that anything in my life is possible. I am no longer restricted to my own preconceived and warped ideas. I have faith in my own strength, faith in this journey I'm on and faith that I am doing the right thing.
If I had to write a recipe to a successful life, then two key ingredients would definitely have to be belief and faith. If you don't believe in yourself and you don't have faith in your own actions and your own self, then how can you honestly and fully open up and love others and let them love you?
It's a harsh statement, but although our family loves us unconditionally, when you are in a moment of self-loate and self-disgust, do you really feel it? Is it something that crops to mind? I know it never did for me. I had friends tell me they loved me for who I am - I didn't believe them. I mean, how could they? I knew what I was like and I didn't like it so how could they? Thoughts like these were like needles in a voodoo doll, their sharp pain forever reminding me without seeing the physical damage that was left.
I am so glad to have moved beyond this. I wish there was a magic pill that I could give you to skip this phase but in hindsight I think it's what will make your soul stronger and able to help others dealing with such pain. It was necessary for me to go through this pain, to feel the hurt and see the damage - this is what's made me stronger now. It's what's given me the courage to post some of the posts that you read here on my blog.
This is all raw honesty. I don't fluff things up. I'm not hiding things. I call a spade a spade. There's no point in beating around the bush. Obesity is a problem that's strangling our nation. We need to take a hold, we need to join together with our belief and our faith so that we (and our children - and children's children (I've always wanted to say that!!)) can live long, happy and healthy lives.

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