Camilla's Journey Tracker

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

Thursday, 29 March 2012

Claiming Doubles in Advance

I know, I know, I know - I've received your messages and emails. I know I was supposed to post yesterday but I was in two minds.
Yesterday I woke up, jumped on the scales and the scales returned 101.1kg. Hmmm….. Not really what I wanted to publish, so I ummed and aaahhed as to what I would write. We all know that I had a splurge or two. 800g increase wasn't really that bad if you look at my food intake for the week, yet I was still feeling disappointed.
I had already made the assumption that I would be in double digit land so I'd booked in to get my hair done as a mini reward. Well it was too late to cancel that so off I went. The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful.
Then, this morning against all advice I jumped on the scale. This is what I saw….
 
 
Finally double digits!! As my official weigh in day was yesterday I won't be officially claiming double digit status till next week but being greeted by this view I am over the moon! My motivation is back, I'm energised, pumped and ready to rock. Thanks to all for your patience!!

Monday, 26 March 2012

Learning to Focus on the Journey - not the Rest Stops

For those of you who are wondering (and even those of you who aren't) I had a really enjoyable weekend.
Friday kicked off with a girl's night out at at Tupperware party. I brought two beers with me, knowing they were 97 calories each. I brought carrot and celery sticks and sorj crisps (cut up wraps and toasted) to ensure I wouldn't blow out. Yep I think I planned it all pretty well until I got there. OMG!! Red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting! The second my eyes locked in on them my taste buds had already defeated my mind and I knew it was only a matter of time. I had two…. Maybe it was three…. Nope, I had 4 velvet cupcakes - surely they couldn't be that bad. I did a quick estimate - about 365 calories per cupcake - geez - I hadn't done really well. That's not counting all the other little things I nibbled on. For the day I came in at double my calorie allowance. I enjoyed my night and as the guilt was setting in I started planning for it.
Saturday morning I got up early, threw on a load of washing and got dressed into my workout gear. I finally became motivated and headed to the gym. After ninety minutes I gave up - only 701 calories burned. So much for my plan of burning the 1200 overspend from yesterday on top of my SSS of 1000. I just wasn't going to make it. I made a mad dash home, showered and changed and off to the dentist. Even the dentist said that he could see that I was eating clean as my oral hygience was immaculate. Wow, I had no idea he'd be able to tell! So back home I went and spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch. Knackered. I shouldn't have been so tired from just one gym session but I'm thinking the dirty eating didn't help. I wasn't really hungry on Saturday and only had a white fish fillet for dinner.
Sunday may as well not have happened. I spent most of the day at work running around ticketing and preparing for stocktake, and by lunch I was already tired. So I gave in to a toasted sandwich and a water juice drink. So I exceeded my 1200 calories for the day but with the exericse I'd hope it'd offset each other.
This morning the scales told me the horrible truth (and yes, I know I shouldn't be peeking) - I hadn't done enough to counteract my unclean eating habits this weekend. Sitting at 101.2kg, I vowed to plan my days better. My initial thought was to cut my calories to 1000 for the next 2-3 days to gain back some ground and then, thanks to my lovely crew, something snapped. I had stopped focussing on my journey. Double digits was by no means my end goal - it was a mini goal. I need to focus on long term goals and achieving them and by 'skipping' the tried and true methods I could quite possibly be setting myself up for greater failure. Was that a risk I was happy to accept? Nope, not this little ducky. So I'm still on 1200 calories a day, but slightly lighter in the carbs and a bit heavier on the proteins. I've got my pedometer on and I'm vowing to be moving a lot more - 10,000 steps is no longer acceptable, I'm aiming for 13,000 today and then see how far I can push it.
Now there's just the waiting game - waiting nervously for wwww…..

Saturday, 24 March 2012

Hemoglobin Drama Sorted

Yesterday I went to the doctor as per my earlier post to find out about my hemoglobins. The doctor spent considerable time with me explaining it and I know feel like I understand my body a lot more. 120 is towards the lower end of the scale when it comes to donating blood. Not the lower end of the scale in total. 120 is quite normal for a female around 30 years old. The doctor also mentioned that compared to where I was 12 months ago, she is very impressed with my progress and can't wait to see me reach goal. We've both agreed that I will visit her again in June for full blood analysis to see exactly how much has changed in 12 months. Till then, my hemoglobins are fine and hopefully they'll still be sitting in the correct range for me to continue donating.
Thanks for the support I received in relation to this post
x

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

So close I can smell it but so far I can't touch it….

Most of you have cleverly already worked out what my scales said today. I managed to get in and update the figures early this morning but I haven't had a chance to send out my blog update. This morning I woke with a sense of anxiety - I wasn't quite sure what the scales were going to do. After already oversleeping and missing my alarm, I didn't have any time to spare. I tapped the scales before quickly getting on.
100.3kg.
Surely that wasn't right. I jumped off, waited for it to turn off and tried again.
Still 100.3kg.
I was over the moon! That's a loss of 2.4kg in a week! You've got to be happy with that! Then almost immediately I felt a wave of frustration - I know I shouldn't have, but I did. Only 300g off 100kg! Surely I could have done something more to push myself into the double digit region? Yeah I probably could have, but I didn't and my loss was fantastic. Time to take that step back and bask in the glory of a massive loss for once.
So it's now the end of my work day (for my first job) and I'm still happy. Still floating on cloud 9. With only 300g to go I know next week will be a major milestone. I'm trying to work out how to celebrate it - if you have any ideas, please share them.
For now I'm signing out - time to get to job #2.
xo

Hemoglobins. Hemo Goblins??

I'm always community minded and happy to lend a hand for a great cause. So when the request came out for volunteers to donate blood as part of a blood drive, I didn't hesitate. I recalled donating blood when I lived in Brisbane, but that was so long ago they no longer held the records, so I became a "first time donor". Again.
The ladies were very pleasant as I completed the multiple forms to ensure they could screen me appropriately, then I had my face to face interview where we went through the forms verbally. I've got to say if I was ever receiving a transfusion, I'd be pretty comfortable that the blood was clean and suitable. The last little assessment I had was a hemoglobin test. My hemoglobin level came back at 120. The interviewer advised me that this was borderline and he'd have to confirm with the manual as to whether I'd be able to donate. The cut off was 119 so I was fine. Still, it made me a little hesitant and nervous. I wasn't really sure what hemoglobins were but I didn't like the fact that I was borderline - anyway, I put that in the back of my mind as I was led into the sitting room and asked to sit in a comfortable, clinical looking chair. With the press of a button, my legs were lifted as the chair reclined and then it rose up. I felt like I was in some sort of a movie - it was fantastic. At the angle they had me I was starting to worry about whether or not I'd be able to stay awake through the process.
I won't detail all the gory bits, but I was donating blood. I was also asked to appear in a photo with a little boy to raise awareness for donating blood. I can honestly say, donating blood wasn't scary, in fact quite comfortable. I have a funky looking bruise today, but it was worth it.
Now comes the best part. Upon completion of my donation, I was guided to go back to the sitting room for at least 10 minutes. Once there, a lovely lady offered me a "proper coffee" (not instant!!) and also a snack. Well I'd just donated blood, so I didn't hesitate. Proper coffee on skim and a slice of thick raisin toast with real butter. The flavours were sensational, even the smell was fantastic. When I was ready to leave, the kind lady also offered me a chocolate, so I grabbed a snack sized kit kat before my brain kicked in. Mmmm chocolate.
Anyway, back to hemoglobins. After I came back to the office I googled - I always consult google - I love google. Google advised me that hemoglobins are my iron levels. This surprised me as on top of eating healthy, I also take a daily iron supplement and I eat red meat, leafy green vegetables and a lot of lentils. I consulted the forums and facebook and came to the conclusion that it was probably time for another visit to the doctor, so Friday I'm booked in to see my lovely doctor and hopefully get some answers.
I'm also booked in to go back for another donation in June. If you've been thinking about it, then don't procrastinate - it's worth it - even just for the raisin toast, muffins or chocolate!!

Roast Beef Salad - Perfect for lunch (241 cal)

IngredientsCaloriesCarbsFatProteinSugar
Coles - Sliced Roast Beef, 90 g10622202Ico_delete
Salad - Cherry Tomatoes, 8 tomatoes124021Ico_delete
Mirabel - Mix of Mache, Red and Green Leaf and Oak Leaf - Lettuces, 0.5 cup80000Ico_delete
Cucumber - With peel, raw, 30 g51001Ico_delete
Coles - Baby Capers, 5 g20000Ico_delete
Paul's - Sour Cream Lite, 10 g211201Ico_delete
Coles - Hot English Mustard, 2.5 g40000Ico_delete
Masterfoods Horseradish Cream - Creamy Horse Radish, 0.5 teaspoon50000Ico_delete
Eggs - Hard-boiled (whole egg), 1 large781561Ico_delete


Method
The salad is self explanatory. The dressing is mixing the mustard, horseradish cream and sour cream, refrigerate overnight and top your salad. Very yummy and very easy to make.


Friday, 16 March 2012

Priorities, priorities...

I know I’ve been neglecting my blog – yes, I am getting the hint!!

I’ve had a super busy week this week. On top of my normal two jobs, my regular walks, my workouts and throw in a training course or two, I have found myself running short on time. I’ve worked out that if I could have 3 hours extra per day on average, I would be extremely satisfied and not tired. Anyone want to donate me theirs?

Okay, let’s go through the week in priorities:

Priority 1 : My Everest Challenge

I’m only at 30% of my fundraising goal. I committed to raising $1,000 before the end of March. Every dollar helps. Thank you in advance to all of you who have been generous and donated. For those of you who haven’t but have a spare $5 or $10 sitting in your wallet, click this link please:

I committed to raising $1,000 and I am sitting on $297!!

“I am working wonders for sick kids in March by virtually climbing Everest!  My team members and I will each be taking 10,000 steps a day for two weeks in a virtual race to the summit. 

We need more team members to support us reach the fundraising peak!
Come join in the fun by clicking on the link below:
 
Camilla's Everest Challenge

(In some instances the above link appears not completely underlined, or broken into two parts. If this is happening for you, cut and paste the whole link into your internet browser.)

Sponsor me and support Working Wonders for Sick Kids by making a secure online donation.

Every year the Royal Children's Hospital treats over 30,000 kids from all over Queensland.  The funds we raise through tackling Everest will help researchers find faster diagnoses, better treatments and ultimately cures that help sick kids everywhere.

Thanks for your support!

Camilla”

Priority 2 : Date Nights

As I mentioned very briefly and in not much detail, I had a date last weekend. Well I’ve had more than one date now and everything is still looking good. Most positive thing is that he’s got similar interests and is very much into nutrition and fitness like I am. I have confessed my 12wbt goals and he is happy to support me. Fingers crossed.
 
Priority 3 : Funny Photos

So I’ve spoken to a few of my followers and I have agreed to do some funny photos. To date I haven’t had much time, but I will set the self timer on Sunday and take a few funny pics. Just be warned, if you’ve already got sore cheeks or a tummy, they’re going to be even more sore from laughing so hard J

Priority 4 : Double Digits

Yep, double digits are so close now it’s making me lightheaded and jelly-legged. More than ever I just want to get out there and smash calories to see me back in double digits for the first time since 2006. This is monumental for me. I haven’t quite decided how to celebrate this milestone yet, currently tossing up between conquering Mt Jim Crow or doing a day trip over to one of the islands off Yeppoon for a full day hike. Very excited either way!!

So that just about covers what I’ve been up to and what I’m doing. Tonight is my night off. My workout is done and dusted and I’m watching Better Homes and Gardens whilst enjoying a pamper night. Skin and hair treatments, thick facial crèmes and lovely scented candles – yep, no testosterone in sight!! Enjoy your Saturday and I’ll check in again soon xo

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Here Are Some Progress Pic

December 2010

March 2012

March 2012

March 2012

March 2012
Obviously looking at the photo from 2010 to now, I can see a difference. Looking at the other two outfits, it's easy to see which top suits me better :)

Changing Priorities

Yesterday was a milestone day for me.

I had a date.

In the past, this would have meant rushing home from work. Going through my entire wardrobe working out outfit possibilities. Showering and getting ready and still probably not be ready on time.

That was the old me. The new me stated very clearly that I wouldn't be able to meet up till 7pm as I had a workout to do.

Instead of rushing home and rushing around like a headless chook, my afternoon was planned and well constructed. I went on my run, and even managed to beat my time for 5km - down to 43 minutes (I'm super motivated at the moment as he can run 10km in the same time - how's that for motivation). I calmly had my shower, picked out clothes and was ready in plenty of time.

In fact, there was enough time for me to ponder why I was always rushing and never comfortable. Yesterday I'd proven to myself that there was no need. That I have enough control in my life to make exercise part of it. It's not a weight loss program - it's a lifestyle change. So far the quality of my life has improved ten fold and it's only getting better from here on in.

Now that I've had my little "brag" moment, let's move on to another…

This morning I'm back on the wagon!! I am happy to report a 1.3kg donation to the universe. This puts me at less than 3 kg away from the magic double digits. I've got some big exercise plans this week, but is 2.7kg achievable for me in a week? I guess there's only one way to find out - watch this space!

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Wake Up Call: Losing Weight Means That You May Drop a Size or Two

I am a very community minded person. I believe that if a community works together for a communal goal then it is easily achievable. So when the opportunity came up for me to become a volunteer at Beef Week, I never hesitated. The series of events that came after, however, would be very memorable for me.
I was contacted and asked if I would be happy to attend a media event, which would include having my picture taken. In the past I would have shied away with a million exuses. Not this time. I graciously accepted immediately so that I couldn't change my mind. The task was pretty simple, I just had to show up wearing blue jeans and solid shoes. I had plenty of jeans at home and I'm sure my steel caps would be fine.
In the couple of days leading up to the event, I became very busy socialising and working and didn't think about the event again till the said morning - today.
I grabbed my blue jeans and pulled them up. Hang on. I forgot to undo the button and didn't even notice. Uh-oh. As soon as I let go, they were on the floor. Damn! I only have a few pairs of plain blue jeans and this was the smallest pair I had. So rummaging through the wardrobe I finally found a belt which used to hold things firm. The belt well and truly went round my waist and nearly another half lap again.
Although I'd seen the numbers change on the scales, when I look in the mirror, I don't see a lot of change yet. I hadn't realised how much different I was due to the difference in kilos. Too late to do anything about it, I tightened the belt and off to work I went.
I will send through an update and let you know how I went!
For those of you losing weight - ALWAYS make sure your clothes fit before a big event :)

Saturday, 10 March 2012

The Mysterious Racerback Solution

For those of you who have been following since the beginning, or those of you who were kind enough to go back and read from the start would have read one of my very first posts about “Jelly Moulds and Racerbacks”; today I reached another mini milestone that relates directly to that post.

My post described my inability to wear racer back sports bras without almost injuring myself to put them on (I swear a Rubik’s cube was easier). They were difficult to get on and just as difficult to get off. Now I’m nearly 10kg lighter and as I’ve committed to running, I thought I’d better give them another try. So many people had told me that they are excellent support for my girls.

I put on my bra like normal, then for some reason, I just reached back over my head and I could reach the clip. It was simple, it just clipped together. It appears that I was not flexible enough and had too much fat in the way to do this earlier. This was a huge win for me!! Not only did I get great support but I also jogged/walked 9km in 93 minutes. To top it off, all of this happened before 9 am. Twelve months ago, there is no way I would have been out of bed on a Saturday before 9, keeping in mind, 12 months ago I was carrying around nearly 20 more kilograms than I am now.

So with that said, I also need to mention that yesterday I gave one my friends Nae a run for her birthday. Before you all jump to conclusions, no I’m not making her run it, I offered to run in her honour for her birthday. So this morning’s 667 calories burnt goes to you Nae!! Happy Birthday! So this means I still need to smash out a workout for me – and that’s what I’m going to do this afternoon!

As the kilos are coming off, the confidence is building, I think I’m up for some progress shots shortly, so I’ll be sure to share them with you.

Also, as a teaser, I’ll be sharing a gardening concept that’s just been introduced to me that allows you to harvest only what you need, with only 20% of the room normally required with only half the effort. Stay tuned for my attempt at explaining Square Foot Gardening – it’s addictive!!

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Sometimes You're Looking for the Wrong Rainbow

As I do every Wednesday now, I'm awake at 5am, lying in bed wondering what the scales will say.
I had a sneak peek last night and it sent me into meltdown mode. The scales showed nearly a 3kg gain! I was horrified and reverted to bad habits - 2 peanutbutter sandwiches for dinner (667 calories over budget for the day). I contemplated going to the gym but I let the negative voice in my head talk me out of it. Yep, I had a weak moment.
This morning this was all haunting me in the back of my mind. After procrastinating by checking out facebook and seeing what others weighed in at I thought it was time I took the bull by the horns and got my hurdle over with. Nervously I stepped onto the scales and waiting for it to settle on a number expecting the worst. I didn't see a 2 kg gain, I didn't even see a 1 kg gain - there was a gain of 500g - I could handle that. Wonder if I hadn't had my peanut butter sandwiches how much difference that would have made. Still a little disappointed in my actions I went about my normal routine of getting ready and having breakfast.
Then I remembered - this is officially week 4. That means it's time for measurements. So I find my measuring tape and go through the daunting task of measuring. I didn't think there'd been much different till I went to enter them into the computer. In 4 weeks I have lost 47cm!! Yep nearly 1/2 m of fat! What an achievment!! All of a sudden my gain doesn't seem to be so significant.
My Changes:
Chest (+2cm) Waist (-15cm) Hips (-2cm) L.Thigh (-14cm) R.Thigh (-14cm) L.Arm (-3cm) R.Arm (-1cm)
I'll be doing my fitness test tonight so I can see the changes there as well.
Today has taught me an important lesson; My body transformation is not a journey on kilos - it's a body transformation. My changes can be kilogram based, cm based or appearance. It's time I stop micromanaging just one part of my journey and embrace it all.

Monday, 5 March 2012

Everest Virtual Challenge 2012

Everest Virtual Challenge 2012

As part of my own personal journey, I committed to being inspired and inspiring others. Well today, a big opportunity has come my way. I've been asked to join the Everest Virtual Challenge.

Kate from my 30+ Crew has set up a team and opened up the invitation to our crew to join her in raising funds for the Royal Children's Hospital.

The theory behind this fundraiser is that as a team, you will complete enough steps to represent the steps required to get to the Everest Summit.

I have set a personal fundraising goal of $300. I would like to increase that goal to $750, but I can only do so with your support. By clicking the link at the top of this post you will be taken to my fundraising page. Please be generous and give what you can - you are helping support fellow Aussies less fortunate than yourselves.

Thank you in advance for your support.

PS I will keep you posted on my progress for this fundraiser

Fresh Frittata (161 cals per serve)

                                



Ingredients
CaloriesCarbsFatProteinSugar
Eggs - Whole, raw, 8 large588340503Ico_delete
Coles Butcher - Diced Bacon, 176 g380230302Ico_delete
Raw - Swiss Brown Mushrooms, 300 g66120115Ico_delete
Woolworths - Baby Spinach & Rocket, 80 g241100Ico_delete
Squash - Zucchini, includes skin, raw, 1 medium317023Ico_delete
Generic - Baby Asparagus, Fresh, 1 cup6010000Ico_delete
Generic - Pecorino Romano, 10 g400320Ico_delete
Bertolli - Extra Light Olive Oil Spray***, 3.2 g280300Ico_delete
Pauls - Trim Low Fat Milk, 150 ml688258Ico_delete


Total:                                                              1285      43     79  100     21
Per Serving:                                                               161       5     10  13     3


Spray the loaf tins (I use 2) lightly before starting.
Whisk the milk and eggs together with salt, pepper and an additional 100ml water. Pour a scoop full in the bottom of each loaf tin. Then layer the rocket and spinach, 1/2 the bacon, the mushroom and top with grated zucchini and then the remaining bacon. Pour the remaining egg mix over the top and finely grate some romano cheese on each. Top with the asparagus at the end.
Pop into a moderate oven for about 30 or so minutes, you'll notice when it's golden on top and a skewer comes out clean. Very tasty and low in calories for those days where you've splurged.


Sunday, 4 March 2012

Reverse Growth Spurt?

It’s lunch time and I’m proud to admit I’ve already smashed out 871 calories this morning. Yes it’s 129 calories short, but I’m sure I’ll get that done.

When you’re little, you require a lot of sleep when you’re going through your growth spurts – it’s expected, it’s normal.

I’m starting to wonder if the same is required when you’re reversing that process?

I’ve been steadily losing weight and I’m ecstatic with the results, however I think it’s starting to have its effects. Yesterday I worked a standard day in my retail job and by lunch time I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep. By the time I got home, I crawled into bed and don’t even recall turning out the light.

I slept all the way through till this morning where I bounced out of bed ready to conquer Mt Archer.

The lovely Angie was my support. We started our walk at the bottom and I was confident I’d make it – that confidence was quickly fading only 12 minutes in. I didn’t realise how steep it was or how warm it was. Angie was kind enough to slow down to my turtle speed and slowly we conquered the mountain. 871 calories to conquer the mountain. I certainly think I need a lot more training before my next attempt.

As soon as I got home, I had a shower, brekkie and popped the first load of washing on. Lying on the couch I felt tired, so I set my alarm to go off roughly the same time as the machine, and once again, out like a light. I’ve done three loads today and slept during all of them. Scarily enough, I’m still tired. I’ve been regularly getting my 7.5 hours sleep so the only thing I can blame this on is my ‘reverse growth spurt’ – would love to know if there is such a thing?! Is this napping doing me more harm than good? I’ve had my iron levels checked, and they’re fine.

Anyway, I’m sure it’s nap time before dinner…. zzzzzz


Friday, 2 March 2012

Berry Choc Pav (140.5 cals per serve)

Serves 2
4 x Egg Whites (68 cal)
6 x Sugarless Sweetener Packets (21 cal)
30g Sugarfree Drinking Chocolate  (17 cal)
200g Fresh Frozen Raspberries (107 cal)
100g No Fat Greek Style Natural Yoghurt (68 cal)

Method:
In a clean and dry bowl, whip egg whites till stiff (separate egg whites whilst cool and let warm to room temperature before whipping), slowly add sweetener and drinking chocolate, keep beating. Spread out on tray and cook in 120 degree fan forced oven for approximately 90 mins. Let cool in oven for 2-3 hours. Top with frozen raspberries and greek style yoghurt - yummy! Serves (at least) 2!!

Chilli Choc Mousse (140 cals per serve)

Chilli Choc Mousse (this satisfies my chocolate cravings every time - very moorish)
Serves 2

Ingredients:
2 Squares of Lindt Chilli Chocolate (95 cal)
15g Vitarium Sugar Free Drinking Chocolate (9 cal)
300ml Reduced Fat Woollies Milk (152 cal)
1 tbsp Gelatin Powder (23 cal)

Method:
Place 100ml of the milk into a microwaveable container and heat milk until it is frothing but not bubbling. Add gelatin powder and whisk in. Once all gelatin powder is dissolved, add the chilli chocolate (which has been chopped into little pieces) and keep whisking. This will also dissolve into the mixture. Once it's well blended I add the remaining milk and also the drinking chocolate, whisk the last of it together and pour into the two dishes you will be serving in. Place in the fridge to set/chill for approx 2 hours.

You definitely don't need more than one serve!!


Make the choice - be happy.

After a rather turbulent (both emotionally and physically) week, I woke up this morning knowing full well what my very first decision would be.
I am in charge of my life and I choose to be happy so today is a good day.
It's the best decision I can make in a day and it sets the tone for the rest of the day. It also makes it so much easier to follow on with the right attitude and before you know it, it's a habit. You're smiling because you're happy, not because you're forced. Life in turn becomes easier, the worries in your life seem smaller and everything more manageable. I have finally reached this stage in my journey.
Bouncing out of bed at 5 am, I was ready to take on the world. The normal hesitation and deliberation over what to wear was non-existant this morning. I grabbed a pair of jeans (already knowing they would fit) and a shirt out of the wardrobe and put them on with confidence. I checked myself out in the mirror (which isn't full size) and I was happy with what I saw. No, I'm not a super model, but I can see the changes I'm making are having a positive effect. I loved not having to try on a thousand outfits to see which one was the least embarrassing or trying to "pour myself" into clothes and trying not to look like strung pork because I refused to believe my actual size and would prefer to squeeze into something way too small.
I was even confident enough to get someone to take a pic of me today so you can see where I'm up to, and I've got to say, I'm loving these jeans. Still not a fan of photos but I know once I reach my goal then I will be very happy that I have photographic evidence of my journey.
My big lessons this week are learning not to settle for second best - that I am worthy and I deserve to have the best.