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Thursday, 2 May 2013

That Moment

This morning was different. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but when I woke up I knew I wasn’t the same. I could feel it, sense it….

Let’s rewind and do a quick run through of the lead up.

Last night I went to Chicks at (should be the at symbol but apparently the blog won't post with it in here) the Flicks – for those of you who don’t know, this event occurs once a month at your local Birch cinemas. It’s generally an early release of a movie, it’s aimed at girls with stalls and pre-show activities and you get a goodies bag. It’s my once a month social outing and I love it. For the last few months (or more) I’ve been in a really strange headspace. In fact, part of me thinks I’m still there. It’s where I’m constantly struggling against the inner me, arguing, throwing verbal and negative abuse at myself. Deep down I know this isn’t right but for some reason I keep doing it. Terms like fatty, idiot, numpty and so forth are regularly in my vocabulary in my vocal and non-vocal conversations with myself. Even though I do it, I still get very offended if someone else calls me a fatty. It’s not that I don’t have fat, because I do, it’s the fact that when you’re carrying extra weight to the tune of 25kg, then you are well and truly aware of it, you don’t need to be reminded or told. Anyway, before I go off on too much of a tangent, last night a comment was made that cut to the core, I won’t go in to too much detail but basically I had entered a competition and it was implied that if I won it, I’d have to use it to buy someone else stuff as it wouldn’t fit me. The thing about judging people is that you don’t know the journey they’re on. You don’t know where they’ve come from. I’m pretty certain this skinny lass all dolled up in exercise gear (and makeup?!) would have had no idea of the weight I’d already discarded, removed from my body – she would have no idea, so what gave her the reason to judge? Nothing. She probably didn’t even realise she’d done it. The damage was done. I was horrified and so embarrassed. One would think that at this point, I’d just pack up and go home, but nope, I’d paid money for my tickets so I stayed. I stayed and watched an absolutely awesome movie whilst eating through large popcorn and slurping my way through a large frozen coke. As popcorn kernels fell down my top it reminded me of Michelle (Bridges) once saying that if you were going to eat garlic bread, don’t bother chewing, just wipe it all over your butt cause that’s where it’ll end up.

This moment made my mind up.

I was going to do it.

I was going back.

After 1 successful and 2 not so successful rounds last year, I’m heading back to 12wbt land!

With that decision firmly made in my mind, I slept better last night, not sure why, but it was like a relief the decision had been made. This morning I woke up after just 7 hours of sleep and I felt the freshest I have in a long time. I felt at peace to some extent. The morning flowed without concern and still, now as I sit here typing away at the keyboard, nothing is really bothering me.

The biggest challenge I’ve got today is to work out what my new username will be. I’m feeling that ShinyNewCamilla is somewhat dated. I want something different and something that really clicks with me. I’ve officially signed up and I’ve placed my first forum post. It’s all a little bit exciting and I can’t wait to start my preseason tasks. I’ve got roughly a week and a half till the round starts and I feel I’m in a pretty good place right now to make this work. I do bootcamp for 45mins three times a week, I am looking at adding gym classes and a running coach to that, maybe even a pt session. The possibilities are endless. I’ve done some rough calculations and this should see finale at the end of July, which means I’ll be back from Fiji and hopefully able to make that too! Yep, as you can tell by my rambling, I’m more than a little excited. 12wbt isn’t just about losing weight, it’s a lifestyle change, it’s healthy eating, it’s moving your body, loving your body, enjoying life and creating everlasting friendships and circles of support that will see you through for the rest of your life. So with all that blurted out, I’ll leave you now in peace till next week. Enjoy your weekend and if you can think of a sassy username, drop a comment below and I’ll check it out. I’ve posted the same question to a few fb groups so I can’t wait to see what comes out of it.

Take care and keep moving this weekend. Hang on a minute. Today isn’t Friday. Oops – overexcited again. I’ll chat to you all tomorrow!!

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