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Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Today I Reclaim My Life

Isn’t it funny how things are so different when you’re on the outside looking in?

I know I’m always the first to give my friends advice when it comes to anything
pretty much. I don’t always have the best advice but I always put my two cents

So when I met a smart, funny and adorable man, it wasn’t hard to get smitten and
confuse my priorities.

Slowly, without me even realising, I started putting myself further and further down
the list of priorities to put our needs and our relationship first. It began
with skipping a workout here and a workout there – he never encouraged me to
skip them, in fact, he encouraged me to do them. This undoing was all mine.
Then there was a drink here and a drink there – surely one won’t matter. They
add up pretty quickly when you’re not counting.

Before you know it, three weeks has passed and I’m sliding quickly into old habits.
Habits of comfort.

This week I’ve been given time to think – and think I did. I realised that over the
last few weeks, as happy as I’ve been, I’ve turned on my victim mentality
again. I’m blaming bad choices on everything and everyone except me. Wow – what
a wakeup call.

To imagine that I fell for someone in such a short period of time and that I was
willing to sacrifice all the good new things that made me “me” shocked me. I
hadn’t realised I’d swallowed the hook, line and sinker…. This scared the hell
out of me.

So what do I do? I hightail it out of there!!

I wasn’t the only one needing time to think, so without being able to reach him,
I can only presume that this is where we would have ended up anyway. As the old
saying goes, “if it’s meant to be – it’s meant to be”. This all happened very
fast and without a second thought, I guess the lines of communication weren't all too clear in both directions. Perhaps we need the time out to work out what we both want and where we’re both heading. Maybe this will be revisited in the future, maybe it won’t.

Although I am saddened by these events, I don’t have regrets in life – I believe what
happens is what makes me who I am today.

With all this on my mind today, it was like a hurricane inside my head, and work
proved more than I could handle so I’m having a day at home to sort it all out.
Time to make alternate plans for my plants whilst I’m away and a few other bits
and bobs.

I’ve eaten clean, I’ve had a training session and I’ve cleaned my house. I’m
exhausted emotionally, physically and mentally. Today I’ve taken the biggest
step to date – I’ve reclaimed my life as my own.

So to keep things interesting till my next post, here’s a ‘surprise snippet’ – can
anyone guess what it is? It’s to do with my holiday to Hawaii!!


  1. Are you going to be wearing a sarong with pride? Because you should! You look amazing!

  2. I love your choice - choose you it's always a good choice. Have a wonderful holiday in your new swimmers

  3. Hey Camilla, I'm sorry to hear that this relationship didn't work out, but better it end now than in 1 month, 1 year or 10 years, etc, if it's not meant to be.

    On a selfish note I have missed your posts and updates on FB etc. So for my own selfish reasons I'm happy that Camilla is back and is gonna be inspiring me and my 12wbt. I was a bit lost without you.

    I am super jealous of you going to Hawaii, I have always wanted to go and I so hope that one day I get to go and test out my rusty surfing skills on some lush waves. I so miss the beach living here in the middle of a desert, so when you're there think of me and get a coconut drink on my behalf (we'll share the calories). xxxx