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Wednesday, 20 June 2012

Travelling (Backwards)

Me about to jetset to Brisvegas!!
So here we are on Wednesday night back at home and thinking about the last 24-48 hours.
Has nothing I learnt sunk in?
For fear of being ribbed about being on a 'diet' we created the 'there are no calories in Brisbane' rule.
I knew this was wrong at the time and I'm not sure why, but I was probably the biggest advocate and instigator.
All the things I've learnt and practised so carefully over the last few months was tucked away in my brain and refused to come to the surface.
I blatantly ignored when my stomach grumbled at the preservatives and processed foods I was feeding it.
I purposely didn't pack my sneakers as it was only a 24 hour trip.
I kept telling myself that 24 hours didn't matter.
If it had only been 24 hours, it may not have mattered but it wasn't.
This has been my attitude for nearly a week.
I don't know how or why I started thinking like this, but once I started it was so much easier to continue than stop, think and correct myself.
I've tried to sit down and analyse the situation to try to pinpoint the emotion, the event, the situation or whatever it is that made me think it was okay to undo all this but I can't.
It's all a muddle to me.
I'm not sure how to work out the underlying reason this time.
How did I come to realise this?
Although I was making these decisions consciously, their repercussions weren't clear to me until this afternoon.
After a busy time in Brisbane we had a few hours to kill so we visited DFO in Brisbane. I walked around with the hope of getting some board shorts, swimmers and maybe even normal shorts for the first few days in Hawaii before I go outlet shopping over there.
Much to my dismay I couldn't find anything that I liked AND that fitted.
I did two laps around. All of a sudden I felt like I was a size 24 again.
I held myself together for the balance of the afternoon but when I got home it was too much to bear.
So, did I break down and cry and sob uncontrollably?
No. That's not me. I don't wear my emotions.
Instead I cleaned out the kitchen.
Anything carb related or anything that might be perceived as a hurdle had to be removed.
I went shopping, only veggies, no bread, no dairy and some fish and unprocessed meats.
I'm not going to let this beat me.
For the next 16 days I will be working this program 100%. No deviation.
I'm probably going to be ribbed and called names but at the moment I don't care.
This is about me, this is my life and this is my holiday.


  1. Those who love and care for you will not rib or call you names other than awesome and amazing. I admire your truth and honesty and determination. Yes you have wavered but you now own it and by crikeys you will tame it!!

  2. honestly Camilla - I have walked around DFO and not found a thing and felt exactly how you felt yesterday. You seem to be on the right track again and I am sure I will see you sometime on the weekend to make you sweat out some of those nasties!

  3. Hi Camilla. Congrats on your fabulous blog. Found it via the 12WBT forums. Hope you don't mind but I added it to my growing list of fabulous blogs. :)

    Let me know if you want another photo as the main pic. :)