Camilla's Journey Tracker

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Wednesday, 16 January 2013

So Sad I Could Cry

 

Funnily enough, nobody has questioned me why I haven’t been updating my weight on the right hand side of the webpage. I haven’t just skipped a day or two, nothing has been updated since September. 

September.

That’s when I first started to swagger off the proven path. I haven’t really found my way back since. I haven’t wanted the success bad enough since. I was content with my life. Strike that. It was bearable and easier to let it run its course than to decide where my own life was heading. I was lazy. I didn’t care anymore. I thought I’d be fine and just hover at my weight till I decided to pick it up again.

Wrong.

At first, it was only a few hundred grams here, and then I’d lose it, then there’d be 200grams but I’d only lose 100grams. Before you knew it, the grams became kilograms. I didn’t notice, I didn’t care. My clothes still fitted. I still had energy, so why should I care? Quite frankly, my attitude sucked. I choose my attitude and I made a bad choice.

I have a motto in life that I don’t regret anything. There’s no point. You can’t change the past, only the future. So I don’t regret that I swayed off the path, at least I had a map to get back on the path. 

What you don’t realise when you’re walking along this beautifully paved path, that it seems to get easier, when you fall off the path, there are weeds and other hurdles that try to prevent you getting back on it.

I became a person with victim mentality. It wasn’t my fault. The universe made me put on weight. Yep, the universe obviously came down from above and forced the chocolate down my throat. Really? I thought that? What on earth was I thinking!?

I thought that all I had to do was to say I wanted it and I would get it – almost as if saying those words would just remove 10kg from my frame. Once again, I don’t know what on earth made me think that, but I did.

I’m a little clearer these days. It doesn’t matter what I say, or what I type on here, it won’t make a big difference to my weight. Ever heard the words ‘actions speak louder than words’ – hell yeah they do! No more talking about it, promising, committing just to fall short because ‘I couldn’t be bothered’. It’s a time for action. Time for doing.

Baby steps. Water is back on track, 3L per day should see me hydrated and cleaning all the so-mentioned cr@p out of y body. This morning I started my clean eating plan. No this is not a plan I’ve paid for, just one I’ve thrown together myself.

I’ll include a screen shot of today’s plan from MyFitnessPal – if you want to see how I’m going on a daily basis, add me Camilla12wbt.

I haven’t added in my PT session and gym session for tonightas it’s impossible for me to guess the exact burn. The water consumption is only what I’m up to, I haven’t finished for the day.This is what I’m doing. This is how I’m claiming back my life.

8 comments:

  1. We noticed, just didnt think you needed the added pressure of us pointing it out!!!

    you WILL get there, just let the journey BE and do what you need to do.

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    1. Thank you - your neverending support is greatly appreciated xo

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  2. Sometimes it's good to have a "break" ... I'm having one right now (have had chocolate today)... I'm not going to worry about getting right back on the bandwagon until next Wednesday when they let me back into the gym... I'm on a forced rest. :( As long as I stay just under 100kg's I'll be happy ... would like to lose a couple more before the next round starts though... but it's just being able to implement everything and when you're not allowed to exercise it does throw the routine out and make you feel fat... so you eat fat... and get a little fatter... oh well - just another week to go so can't do too much damage.

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    1. Thank you. Your comment made me smile. I'm still a little shocked by all the support I'm getting xo

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  3. You've got this. You know what to do. You've stopped yourself before you got too far off track, and now you're hacking your way back through the undergrowth.

    You're too strong a person not to do this Camilla. It doesn't matter how long it takes to happen, but it *will* happen.

    xxx
    Ruth

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    1. Ofcourse it will happen :) It's taken me some time to realise that though. I now understand it's not a race, it's my journey, taken at my speed. As long as I'm working on it, that's all that matters. Thanks for your support - you know I couldn't do it without it xo

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  4. You have the tools at your disposal and you know you can do it. You might not think at times you can claw your way back, but the fact that you've posted means you intend to go the distance. Get back in that saddle and do it. You have a lot of people out here willing you on.

    Carol
    www.finding-carol.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you - the right words, the right time xo

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