Round 2 Finale - Perth!!

Today was another mixed bag.
I have been described (on many occasions) to be the most disorganised organised person known. An oxymoron? Yes it is, but it describes me completely.
I love being organised and having things written down and I love to be prepared.
Most of the time I don't end up being as organised and prepared as I had planned and/or would have liked. Who likes to admit being disorganised? Not me!!
Today Mish announced the location for Round 2 Finale....
... Perth!
Now before I head off on my horse with a little rant I want to ensure that everyone knows that I am sooooo happy for the Perth Crew. They have been loyal, enthusiastic and always visited the east coast - they really deserve to be hosting it this time round and I'm very excited for them.
Back to my problems ;)
I'm going on holidays in July to Hawaii. My pay, at the moment, is being diverted into an account for spending money. I don't have enough saved to cover Hawaii yet, so I can't justify spending the little money I have on a flight to Perth. I know I can afford it (as long as there's a sale or the prices don't skyrocket too much) but I won't be able to do anything about it until I return.
This is really frustrating me because after I met the wonderful girls last round, I couldn't imagine not doing finale. It's going to be the highlight of this round. It's my carrot to tempt me.
I've been thinking about this non-stop since it was released. How am I going to ensure that I'm there? What is within my control to arrange this?
I'm not really a sharing person so I'd need to look at getting my own room. So here's a challenge for my readers. Let's all help each other out.
Between now and Finale, I will need to come up with a minimum of $500 to cover travel, minimum of $300 for hotel - that's not even looking at a dress or anything. So without using your regular pay - how would you come up with that sort of money?
My first step starts this weekend. Ebay. Ebay is my favourite friend. All the dresses bought for finale are going up. I'll be ransacking my wardrobe and selling what I can. In fact I know I have two pairs of City Chic jeans that have hardly been worn - fingers crossed I can still get around $40 each for them!
The message I'm trying to get out is that when a problem comes up it might frustrate you. At first it may appear that there's no apparent and/or acceptable solution. In most cases this is where we give up. Don't give up. Go sleep on it. Come back tomorrow. Have a look at your hurdle again but from a different angle and with fresh well rested eyes.
If anyone has any awesome tips, please let me know.
Also, if anyone has any recommendations on flights/hotels, happy to hear them too.

Today is My New Beginning

As you know, I've been quieter than normal and struggling since finale. I've had enough.
NO MORE EXCUSES
Today I begin the next leg of this challenge. My grocery list is done and will be auctioned after gym.
I'm checking out a 24hr gym so I can't use my lack of time as an excuse.
This week I had a gain. This will be my first and last gain for this round.
I am committed.
I can do this.
I will do this.
The second photo is my motivation board.

Guess that Song!

Okay, today's blog entry is going to be a bit different. I've got so many feelings and thoughts rushing through my head that I'm struggling to get them into any sort of order. Throughout the last 24 or so hours I've faced some major personal hurdles that have challenged me from within. Challenged my emotional and spiritual wellbeing. I guess it's put me on edge.

I know it's okay to feel my emotions because it's better than eating them. I certainly don't need to go backwards in this journey but I do feel the need to put something out there. I suggest you listen to each of these songs and if they ring true to you, know that you are not alone.

To make it interesting, please comment below once you work out what they are.

'Cause I can feel it

It's rising like the storm

Take hold of the wheels and turn them around

Take all the courage you have left

Wasted on fixing all the problems

That you made in your own head

I've been cheated, been mistreated.

I've been put down, I've been pushed 'round.

Down the hall, maybe straight up the stairs

Bouncin' off the wall, floatin' on air

I don't wanna hear the phone ring

Don't wanna hear your voice on the line

I don't wanna come to you, I don't wanna come to you

I don't wanna give in this time

Mornin' comes and her hairs all a mess

That's when she thinks she looks her worst

It's times like this she dont know why

I can't take my eyes off her

I don't want to go to work today or even put my makeup on

I've got better things to do than my todo list anyway

Hide under the covers and waste away the day

So is anyone else humming or even singing along by now? That's it for now - might post more later... Just little snippets of what's been going through my head...

Don’t Let Someone Else Dictate Who You Are

I am nearly 31 years old.
When my mum was my age, she was married with three kids.
When I look around most of my friends are married with kids.
Some are even divorced with kids.
I don’t have a lot of single friends left that don’t have kids.
This isn’t a bad thing, but it makes me a teeny bit jealous.
Up until about 3 or so years I ago, I swore I’d never have kids. I didn’t think I’d be capable of changing nappies or cleaning up spew. I still don’t know if I’d be capable but I can’t imagine growing old and never have had a child.
Being overweight with low self esteem and low self confidence I assumed that I wouldn’t meet someone in real life and I turned to online dating.
At first I created rules for myself to keep me safe and to protect me.
I set rules like we had to be communicating on a regular basis for at least 4 weeks before I would meet someone. I also didn’t decline anyone’s request until I’d spoken to them.
Thanks to my rules I have met so many guys from Rockhampton that it made me doubt that there was someone for me.
I want someone who compliments me.
I am single, no baggage, have my own place, a good job and a lot of hobbies. I didn’t think it would be that hard.
It seems that time and time again I attract guys that either have none of the above or I attract guys already in a ring committed relationship, ie engaged/married. I am completely blown away by the amount of guys who are not committed in their relationships even when there is a ring involved and even when I catch them out they deny it.
Many times I’ve thought about contacting their better (obviously) halves to fill them in but I don’t want to cop the brunt of the fallout. I don’t want to be the ‘home wrecker’ or the ‘other woman’.
Each time this information has come to light, I’ve blamed myself. Each time I keep getting told it’s not my fault.
Guess what? It is my fault. Not that they treat me bad and the lie to me, but because I let it happen. On each of these occasions, I’ve had the gut feeling telling me not to go there. Each time I’ve ignored it and hoped for the best because ideally, the idea of being in a happy relationship was so grand that I didn’t even think for a second that I couldn’t make it work.
In the past I used to be able to justify their actions in two seconds flat, almost give them the permission to have done what they did.
Not this time.
I’ve changed.
I don’t deserve this. I am not going to stoop to your level.
When I first begun this journey I had such a low opinion of myself that I’m disgusted looking back. I can’t believe how I treated myself much less how I spoke about myself and what my thoughts were like.
I know there’d be at least one of you reading this post and thinking the same. Be strong. You can change. You have the power to be who you want to be. It took me a long time to realise this but now that I have I’m on the journey of a lifetime.
It’s not always easy. In fact most of the time it’s damn hard. This is where I’m grateful that I’ve made some awesome friends through 12WBT. They keep me honest and they keep me on my toes.
This post wasn’t going to be so honest when I started writing it. I had no intention of blurting so much out. So many people in my life have no idea of the above. In fact I’m almost certain that even some of the guys that I’ve dated that fall into the above category will read this. It’s amazing how small the world is.
The bottom line is:
You are you because you let yourself be. If you don’t like where you’re at, you have the power to change it. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Take one step at a time and you will get there. This is not a race, this is your life, your journey – enjoy the scenery along the way and enjoy learning to love yourself. xo