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Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Awkward Much?

This morning the unthinkable happened. I swore it never would. I promised. I committed. I failed.
The scales told a story I never wanted to see.
At the beginning of this round I was down to 94.8kg.
That's not just a little gain. That's 5.3kg.

There are a lot of contributing factors to my gain. I came back from living the 'high life' in Hawaii at 97.8kg and I committed again to all of you and all of my friends that I would "shift it". Instead, I haven't been feeling well and simply haven't really cared about some of my choices. In general, my eating has been good, my exercise non-existant and I've re-discovered how much fun it is to socialise over a few drinks.

Why did I name this blog entry "Awkward Much?"?? I commited to you as my supporters and readers that I could do this, that I would do this and I haven't.

This quote is very apt for these times.

This morning when the scales told their nightmarish story, I became emotional, very emotional. See I have always been a scale addict. I went through a period last year where I would weigh myself several times a day and plot it on a graph so I could see my daily weight movements etc, then when I joined 12WBT at the beginning of the year, I held back and only weighed myself twice a day (and yes, many of you said it would stuff around with my head and it has), then I cut down to once a week for the three weeks leading up to Hawaii. Since Hawaii, I've only stepped on them three times, and only one of those times has been on an official weigh in day.
My journey is not complete. I am happy with me, but I am not yet the best version of me I could possibly be.
My goal is 75kg or to be a size 12. I have a lot of people in my life who doubt that I can achieve either of these numbers, and I have a choice few who know I will.

So what's changed? Why is it going to be different this time?
Well, I think I used too many excuses last round. I thought I had it in the bag and knew what I was doing.
Surprise! I don't!!
I've enlisted the assistance of a PT for 2 x 30min sessions per week to help keep me committed to my workouts. I've also signed up for the CQ Spring Classics 10km fun run in September. I have also started, effective today, eating clean again. No more chocolate bullets (and justifying them to myself), the remainder of the block of cheese in the house is now in the bin, and last but not least, I tipped my 'Skinny Girl Cosmo' down the drain. I believe alcohol has been my main downfall and although I will still have a few drinks throughout the round on social occasions, I will not be 'finishing the day with a drink'. Time for some discipline and hard work.
My new gym is 24 hours so I can't really use lack of time as an excuse anymore, so it's time to get in there and do it. Food has always been my choice and I've made some bad ones, back to clean and green. Last but not least I need more sleep. Since coming back I've felt fatigued just about
every day. That has to stop. That's having a negative impact on my choices as well as my fat burn.
Today I admit to you that I am now at 100.1kg again.
I'm in triple figures. Finale is in 3 weeks. I will be down to 94.8kg by then (at least). I have also signed up for my next round and I've decided this is my "crunch round". This is the round where I slam the rest of this weight and start hitting some goals.


  1. Hey Camilla - you have not failed for one minute!! Get rid of that particular F word, flush it down the loo or heave it from the highest mountain, and don't ever think you're a failure for one minute! You are an inspiration to so many people, including myself, and we all know you can do it. Weight loss is a journey, and if you go backwards and forwards occasionally, that's simply life, and it often gets in the way!! Nobody can be super human all the time!

    You've had a great holiday and a wonderful time - concentrate on that, and of course it takes time to get back into things once you're home. It's fine to enjoy yourself! Congratulations on signing up for the 10km Spring Classics September run - you're doing all the right things and will be back on track in no time. I've even signed up for it, but will do the 5km mainly walk!!

    Good on you for signing up for the next round - you will do it!

  2. The thing I have loved the most about this program is that you can walk away but you sooner or later realise that the alternative isn't an option, so you jump back on board; regardless of whether you walked away for a meal, a big night out, a day, a week, or 3 months. In the past, if I started a program or a diet and I stuffed it up, ate a bad meal, or didn't work out for a week it was the end of the road and I just walked away and went back to how I was before. But with this program you just go back to it because you know that it works and if you plod along you will achieve - it's non-emotional.

    I'm so glad you're back - I think a lot of people have missed you this round because you're such an inspiration to us. xxxx

  3. That's the bravest post I've ever read!
    Sounds like your head is exactly where it needs to be to conquer the rest of this round into round 3.

    I've never met you and never read your blog before now, but I can just tell that you're going to do this xx

  4. Thanks everyone for your support. A minor hurdle that's now overcome and will soon be a thing of the past. Just goest to show that our journey is ever evolving :)