It appears with all the good habits I've created to replace all the bad ones, I've somehow let a bad habit build up that I'm now struggling to break.
I get Tuesday-itis. Nope, not at work. Not at 3 o'clock. At night, after my workout, I guiltily slink into the bathroom and tap the scales to turn them on before stepping on. If I don't like what I see, I immediately feel a range of emotions from anger to disappointment to frustration. Yep, my victim mentality creeps back in for one night a week.
I know when I don't lose weight it's because I didn't follow anything. That part makes sense to me 6 days a week. Just doesn't come in to my thinking on a Tuesday night.
So tonight, I went on my walk, did part of an exercise dvd and inhaled 7 mini hot cross buns. I bought the mini pack because I thought it was portion controlled. Well obviously I wasn't being very conscious about my decisions. One bun is 106 calories - having one wouldn't have killed me, 7 of them? Really?! Now I know that no matter what, the scales will show this in the morning and once again I've self sabotaged.
I can't explain why I do it, I just do.
It's a habit I can't afford to sustain. I need to break it.
Yes I could understand one week out of the month going through the emotions but using this exuse every week is a joke.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that one of you will read this, relate to it and tell me how I can break this cycle. It's unproductive and it's not a positive enforcement of my new life.
/-vent over-/
Camilla's Journey Tracker
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
Monday, 2 April 2012
This is what I look like at roughly 100kg (end March 2012)
Note: This shirt was bought in 2006 when I last visited Sweden,
I haven't been able to fit into it since 2007.
Camilla Conquers Archer
Hi again!
Let me guess - you thought you'd had your update for the day? Well I've got some more to share about my weekend, so here goes again.
This weekend was one of the most hectic weekends I've had in a long time.
On Saturday I had work (as normal) and then a dinner and show in the evening. You'll all be glad to know I picked a healthy meal - in fact it had no calories in it at first - everyone else's meals came out and I got none. After many reassurances that it wasn't far away, I finally got my meal. The fish was a bit rubbery, the chips cold but the salad was okay. As we were getting awfully close to needing to get to the theatre, I guess it was a blessing in disguise that I didn't eat my whole meal - also means I had less calories which is always a bonus when heading out. The show was Dusty Springfield and I must say that although the performance was good, the story line in itself didn't lend itself any favours.
Fast forward bzzz bzzz (the sound the old vcr used to make when FF-ing)
Show finally finished and I was home in bed a little after 11pm. Not an early evening like is recommended before a workout.
Beep. Beep. Beep. My eyes slowly open, feeling like they've had sand in them, surely it's not time to get up? Glancing over at the clock I see the evil red numbers staring back at me. 5:20am. I drag myself out of bed, have a quick look around for motivation or inspiration but I can't see either of them. I pull on my jelly moulds, climb into my sports bra and don my apple green 30+ crew shirt. I quickly throw a few things into my gym bag, grab a bottle of water and it's already 5.55am. Damn!! I was hoping to be early so I could park at the Frenchville Rd path and do a quick warm up jog. No time. Just get there.
Upon arrival I'm greeted by Mel and Deb - two other early risers from the 12wbt family. After a quick meet and greet hug, I introduce Trish, who is also conquering the mountain. We take off slowly, I can feel the anticipation in the air, the uncertainty of what's ahead. It feels like more of an adventure rather than a workout. As we start walking and set the pace, I recall how I felt on my first mission - I struggled. Not just with my breathing but my motivation. Today was going to be different. I was going to remain strong. I'm in control of my body. I choose what I do.
We conquered the mountain! As I normally do, I pull poses to make everyone laugh. Here are my pics from the top (as I haven't gained prior permission from the rest of the group, I have decided not to post them at this point):
My scary warrior pose.
Whilst up at the summit, I get a text invitation to explore Byfield - feeling energised and keen I agree and I decide to sort out the details when I get back down the bottom and catch my breath. We all made it back down as well. We said quick goodbyes as we're grinning from ear to ear, proud of our accomplishment.
In the car on the way home I manage to sort out a picnic, try to touch base with my parents and then start mentally planning what I need to do as soon as I get home. So much for the chores - doesn't look like they're getting done.
Almost like a miracle, I manage to do a quick shop, whip up some awesome baby spinach, semi dried tomato, swiss cheese and roast beef wraps, have a shower, pack my swimmers and be out the door in around an hour. Even I'm impressed.
As we take off heading to Byfield I can feel my brain starting to get anxious as it realises that I've agreed to a full day outdoors that will no doubt include exercise. As we pass Mt Jim Crow, I look out and hope that it's not first on our list, as it passes I think my entire body breathes a sigh of relief.
First stop - Stoney Creek. I've never been there before. As we get closer, the smell of the rainforest is overpowering and I feel relaxed immediately. We stop by a rock pool and have a picnic lunch. Whilst eating I see a sign out of the corner of my eye - almost as if on cue, I'm informed it's a lovely bushwalk, only a short one. Still feeling relaxed, I agree that we should go and explore it. Only ten minutes later I'm balancing on river rocks trying to cross creeks - things I would never even have attempted in my bigger size. The walk was invigorating and although we weren't going fast, I could feel myself getting warm and the sweat starting to bead on my brow. Oh now. The last thing I want is for it to be blatantly obvious how unfit I actually am. I try to control my breathing, to pull the reigns back in so I'm in control. Within a minute or two I can feel myself feeling normal again. So the not so long bush walk was around 5km and although not directly challenging, after this morning's walk I'm sure I'd be feeling it.
After a quick scenic drive around Byfield and we realise the time is ticking. We decide to head back to Bluff Point walking track - just so I can show where it is. By the time we get there, my brain doesn't remind me that I don't want to appear unfit and before I realise I'm suggesting we go for a look. I know last time I did this track I struggled - why did I think this time would be different? So I struggle up, sweat pouring off me making me look like I'd just stepped into a shower fully dressed. The views are worth it though. I keep the conversation going trying to mask my fitness levels, which I'm sure by this time are blatantly obvious. By the time we make it down, it's a bit late to go for a swim so we just cool down by doing a walk on the beach.
One day, nearly 2000 calories and I was exhausted. No washing done. No chores done, thank goodness for timers on washing machines and dishwashers. Although I'm sore today, I wouldn't change any of it for a minute. I had an awesome weekend playing the social butterfly and I can't wait for the next one. The weekend has given me so much motivation and inspiration to push further.
Let me guess - you thought you'd had your update for the day? Well I've got some more to share about my weekend, so here goes again.
This weekend was one of the most hectic weekends I've had in a long time.
On Saturday I had work (as normal) and then a dinner and show in the evening. You'll all be glad to know I picked a healthy meal - in fact it had no calories in it at first - everyone else's meals came out and I got none. After many reassurances that it wasn't far away, I finally got my meal. The fish was a bit rubbery, the chips cold but the salad was okay. As we were getting awfully close to needing to get to the theatre, I guess it was a blessing in disguise that I didn't eat my whole meal - also means I had less calories which is always a bonus when heading out. The show was Dusty Springfield and I must say that although the performance was good, the story line in itself didn't lend itself any favours.
Fast forward bzzz bzzz (the sound the old vcr used to make when FF-ing)
Show finally finished and I was home in bed a little after 11pm. Not an early evening like is recommended before a workout.
Beep. Beep. Beep. My eyes slowly open, feeling like they've had sand in them, surely it's not time to get up? Glancing over at the clock I see the evil red numbers staring back at me. 5:20am. I drag myself out of bed, have a quick look around for motivation or inspiration but I can't see either of them. I pull on my jelly moulds, climb into my sports bra and don my apple green 30+ crew shirt. I quickly throw a few things into my gym bag, grab a bottle of water and it's already 5.55am. Damn!! I was hoping to be early so I could park at the Frenchville Rd path and do a quick warm up jog. No time. Just get there.
Upon arrival I'm greeted by Mel and Deb - two other early risers from the 12wbt family. After a quick meet and greet hug, I introduce Trish, who is also conquering the mountain. We take off slowly, I can feel the anticipation in the air, the uncertainty of what's ahead. It feels like more of an adventure rather than a workout. As we start walking and set the pace, I recall how I felt on my first mission - I struggled. Not just with my breathing but my motivation. Today was going to be different. I was going to remain strong. I'm in control of my body. I choose what I do.
We conquered the mountain! As I normally do, I pull poses to make everyone laugh. Here are my pics from the top (as I haven't gained prior permission from the rest of the group, I have decided not to post them at this point):
Very happy to be at the top
My scary warrior pose.Whilst up at the summit, I get a text invitation to explore Byfield - feeling energised and keen I agree and I decide to sort out the details when I get back down the bottom and catch my breath. We all made it back down as well. We said quick goodbyes as we're grinning from ear to ear, proud of our accomplishment.
In the car on the way home I manage to sort out a picnic, try to touch base with my parents and then start mentally planning what I need to do as soon as I get home. So much for the chores - doesn't look like they're getting done.
Almost like a miracle, I manage to do a quick shop, whip up some awesome baby spinach, semi dried tomato, swiss cheese and roast beef wraps, have a shower, pack my swimmers and be out the door in around an hour. Even I'm impressed.
As we take off heading to Byfield I can feel my brain starting to get anxious as it realises that I've agreed to a full day outdoors that will no doubt include exercise. As we pass Mt Jim Crow, I look out and hope that it's not first on our list, as it passes I think my entire body breathes a sigh of relief.
First stop - Stoney Creek. I've never been there before. As we get closer, the smell of the rainforest is overpowering and I feel relaxed immediately. We stop by a rock pool and have a picnic lunch. Whilst eating I see a sign out of the corner of my eye - almost as if on cue, I'm informed it's a lovely bushwalk, only a short one. Still feeling relaxed, I agree that we should go and explore it. Only ten minutes later I'm balancing on river rocks trying to cross creeks - things I would never even have attempted in my bigger size. The walk was invigorating and although we weren't going fast, I could feel myself getting warm and the sweat starting to bead on my brow. Oh now. The last thing I want is for it to be blatantly obvious how unfit I actually am. I try to control my breathing, to pull the reigns back in so I'm in control. Within a minute or two I can feel myself feeling normal again. So the not so long bush walk was around 5km and although not directly challenging, after this morning's walk I'm sure I'd be feeling it.
After a quick scenic drive around Byfield and we realise the time is ticking. We decide to head back to Bluff Point walking track - just so I can show where it is. By the time we get there, my brain doesn't remind me that I don't want to appear unfit and before I realise I'm suggesting we go for a look. I know last time I did this track I struggled - why did I think this time would be different? So I struggle up, sweat pouring off me making me look like I'd just stepped into a shower fully dressed. The views are worth it though. I keep the conversation going trying to mask my fitness levels, which I'm sure by this time are blatantly obvious. By the time we make it down, it's a bit late to go for a swim so we just cool down by doing a walk on the beach.
One day, nearly 2000 calories and I was exhausted. No washing done. No chores done, thank goodness for timers on washing machines and dishwashers. Although I'm sore today, I wouldn't change any of it for a minute. I had an awesome weekend playing the social butterfly and I can't wait for the next one. The weekend has given me so much motivation and inspiration to push further.
Daddy's Girl
I know I frequently spout on about how much I adore the support of my blog followers and how you all mean the world to me, and you do, but today I've got to share a story which I believe is truly amazing.
I've been challenging myself for a little while now and I'm getting to the point where I want to have some equipment at home as a 'backup' and to help me out. I enquired at my local gym whether they could help me out, and quite frankly, the response I got, I quickly interpreted as "it's too much hassle". It's a shame really as once upon a time I was very comfortable and happy going there but over the last couple of months I'm just not getting the customer service I once was. I'm now on the hunt to see what else is out there as my gym membership is up in July from memory.
Anyway, the main thing that I've been struggle to measure at home is the flexibility test - the sit and reach. It's where you sit on the floor, legs out in front and measure how much shorter or further than your toes you can reach. There's a handy little box at the gym which makes this task so easy. As it's only used when you first sign up, it's not readily available. I checked online thinking that surely I'd be able to pick one up pretty cheap - wtf?! $200 for a sit and reach box??!! Okay, I can't justify that amount of $$ to measure whether I can reach my toes or not.
I mentioned my experience in conversation to my dad and expressed my frustration. I didn't think much of it after that until a couple of days later when he mentioned that he was making me one! Yep, a custom made sit and reach box!! Just before the weekend I got some pics through on my mobile (as per below) of the finished product.
Could the timing be any better? Week 8 mini milestone week is this week and it's time for my next measure! Mum and dad are even delivering my sit and reach box as well as making a visit towards the end of this week - I can't wait!!!
I've been challenging myself for a little while now and I'm getting to the point where I want to have some equipment at home as a 'backup' and to help me out. I enquired at my local gym whether they could help me out, and quite frankly, the response I got, I quickly interpreted as "it's too much hassle". It's a shame really as once upon a time I was very comfortable and happy going there but over the last couple of months I'm just not getting the customer service I once was. I'm now on the hunt to see what else is out there as my gym membership is up in July from memory.
Anyway, the main thing that I've been struggle to measure at home is the flexibility test - the sit and reach. It's where you sit on the floor, legs out in front and measure how much shorter or further than your toes you can reach. There's a handy little box at the gym which makes this task so easy. As it's only used when you first sign up, it's not readily available. I checked online thinking that surely I'd be able to pick one up pretty cheap - wtf?! $200 for a sit and reach box??!! Okay, I can't justify that amount of $$ to measure whether I can reach my toes or not.
I mentioned my experience in conversation to my dad and expressed my frustration. I didn't think much of it after that until a couple of days later when he mentioned that he was making me one! Yep, a custom made sit and reach box!! Just before the weekend I got some pics through on my mobile (as per below) of the finished product.
Could the timing be any better? Week 8 mini milestone week is this week and it's time for my next measure! Mum and dad are even delivering my sit and reach box as well as making a visit towards the end of this week - I can't wait!!!
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