Binge n. A period of excessive or uncontrolled indulgence in food or drink
I am a binge eater. I have been a binge eater for as long as I can remember. I binge eat when things don’t go well. I binge eat when I am upset. I am an emotional binge eater.
Before I started this journey to a healthier me, my binging used to involve intricate excuses and stories, like buying family size meals and lying to the cashier and saying that I had visitors at home. Having little to no emotional or psychological support, I often turned to food for comfort. In fact, if you asked around at most places that sold food, they would tell you that I had a husband and around four kids. That’s how much food I used to buy. I’d then sit and gorge myself on it, with no self control or self respect, and the minute it was all gone I’d get an attack of the guilts.
That was how I used to binge.
Yes, I still binge at times. I’m not perfect, I’ve never claimed to be. I still have the same weaknesses and unfortunately I still tend to use food as a crutch in extreme circumstances. On Sunday I binged. My binge this time didn’t include fast food, or sugary lollies, but it was a binge all the same. It’s like I lost control as I hoovered 10 rice cruskits with some delicious Lurpak Lightly Salted butter. I don’t even know why I reached for that out of all things available to me. I was tired and I hadn’t eaten since breakfast due to a midday nap and my head telling me I could ‘hold out’ until dinner. My binge occurred whilst dinner was on the stove. I was so disappointed. In fact I’m still disappointed in myself.
I spoke to my trainer who put things into perspective for me. Falling off the wagon and having a binge is not failure, how you react to it is what should concern you. If you get right back up and continue to eat healthy and exercise well, then you have the right mindset and you will be fine. I pointed out that my binge was at worst around 700 calories – she said not to worry about the calories, but the fact that I binged on processed foods. Next time, I would be better off having a protein shake or fruit if I felt like that. All of a sudden it felt like a little burden was lifted. I was human and that was okay. Since then I have eaten 100% and I have done 3 x 45-50 min bootcamp sessions since and another scheduled for this afternoon. My fitness is improving and I’m once again pushing myself to my limits.