Confessions of this Diet Queen

 

I’m a diet queen. I have been on Jenny Craig, attempted counting WW points, lost a lot on 12WBT, I’ve applied to be a contestant on TBL, I’ve tried the Dukan diet, the Soho diet, the Soup diet, the Cabbage diet, the laxative diet. Yep, I’ve been on this journey for quite some time, striving for that elusive goal of happiness.

Did anyone else pick up on it?

I have been dieting to become happy. Do you see a problem with this? Since when does weight make you ‘happy’. I know plenty of ‘larger than life’ people who are very positive, and very happy and on the other end of the scale, I also know some slim, very negative people who exist to bring others down.

Weight doesn’t define happiness. It never has, it never will.

 For some of you, this revelation is not new. You’ve known this all along. As someone who struggles with having fat and being unhealthy, this is a new concept to me.

Each time I go through a ‘phase’ which is all it has been up until now, I’ve had my typical light bulb moment, where something has twigged inside and spurred me on. I generally put weight back on, but usually not to my starting weight.

This time, I think a rather large lightbulb has just come on.

 

Losing weight alone will not make me happy.

I am in charge of my happiness. I need to become happy with who I am, accept myself faults and all. Although I’m not 100% there, I now understand the concept. Understanding the concept has been a major step in regaining my ‘mojo’. As you would know from previous posts, my ‘mojo’ went MIA some time back and I’ve been trying to find it ever since. Well, it’s back.

My trainer at bootcamp gave a really inspirational little speech on Monday that rang very true for me – this was the second piece that really kicked me into gear. Tash mentioned that even though we were all getting fitter and better with our technique, we shouldn’t get lazy and let our workouts become easy. If you get better at something, you can still push yourself 110%. You should push yourself so that you feel like you did the very first week of bootcamp. I was one of those ‘lazy’ people who was still working at 90% because I thought it was that I was getting fitter – not that I’d found my comfort level. So since then I’ve been upping the ante and pushing really hard and I’m feeling it. I’ve had a drastic change in body shape this week, I’m very exhausted, my appetite is down but I’m feeling fantastic (well, if you ignore the being tired part).

On Saturday we have our 4 week weigh in and body fat percentage assessment and for once, I can’t wait. I am certain I’ll be happy with the results because I couldn’t train any harder than what I’ve done. I couldn’t have eaten any cleaner than what I’ve done. This is my week, and I own it.

Stay tuned on Saturday to find out how I went.

Envisage your vision you visionary!

I was unwell Friday and spent the majority of the day in bed so I didn’t write a blog post. I didn’t think anyone would really want to read a blog that went something like” blech, ugh, uh tired, sleepy” and so forth, so I held off until today. I did buy myself a little 'get well' present:

It's the 'Live with No Excuses' sign

Saturday was my ‘Create a Kick Ass Vision Board’ with Connection Coaching session in Yeppon. After getting slightly lost, I found a room full of smiles and a lot of magazines and some white cardboard. This was the room to get the creative juices flowing. There was mood calming music, coffee and tea for everyone and most of all inspiration. I became so focussed on the task at hand that I barely noticed anything or anyone else for the entire session. I tried to keep to a board that would provide a vision of my short term (1-3 years) goals. With a table of Good Health and Women’s Fitness magazines it wasn’t hard to find the pictures and words I needed to motivate me. I have included pics of my vision board below:

  

My inspiration board

Sunday was pretty cruisey – just a standard Sunday at work. Good news is that my request to drop from 17 to 10 hours per week to commence post-Fiji has been approved! Yay! More “me time”!!

Oh and then to take away some of that “me time” I also found out today that I’ve been approved to participate in the CQU Steps program from workforce to uni. I can’t wait till I’m able to commence a ‘real’ course next year! Yay! So that’s me signing out!

PS I did have a breakthrough with my new therapist, but I’m not sure I’m ready to share that yet. When I am, this will be the first place I spill xx

Coffee Quotas and Matchsticks

Today is filled with mixed emotion. I am gracious and excited by the long weekend (4 day with 1 day work in the middle) and then saddened by being back at work and no longer at home today.

For the first time in a very long time I had a great time at home. I spent Friday doing not much in particular but still getting things done. There was a lot of napping on the couch and flicking through magazines. I still went through with bootcamp, so I felt my good deed had been done, so I was left to wrestle with my own thoughts.

Now I’m no angel. I’ve had my little binges and I’ve had my big binges. Overall, I still stick to roughly 1200-1300 calories per day. I’d safely say that 90% of the time I hit the target. I have worked out my BMR to be sitting at 1870. This means, by just ‘existing’ I use 1870 calories per day.  Then using the Harris Benedict Formula for existing a moderately active lifestyle brings my daily calorie expenditure to 2900 roughly. This means that for me to gain weight I have to ‘binge’ on average 1600 calories a day! Now I can be completely honest and say that I do not binge daily. It doesn’t happen. I can also honestly say that when I do binge, yes, it can be up to the 1000 calorie mark but not regularly. Mostly it’s 300-500 calories above my allowance.

So scientifically, I shouldn’t be gaining weight. Scientifically I should be losing weight, although not in great huge amounts, but it should still be a loss. It has been suggested to me that I should research Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. One of the main symptoms of PCOS is unexplained weight gain. Unfortunately this means a whole new series of visits to the GP to rule this out or try to get at least one step closer to the confusion that is my body.

There was my first thought pattern that occupied my weekend. The second was sleep. Or rather, lack of sleep. For about the last week now I’ve been suffering broken sleep, not getting more than an hour or two before waking up. Unfortunately this can be a side effect of the medication so for now I just need to suck it up and get on with life. This means that I need to invest in a lot of matchsticks as I will no longer be turning to food to keep me awake and I’ve already promised myself that I will not exceed my 1 daily coffee quote whilst at work.

Now we’ve traipsed through the negatives, let’s hit the positives.

We’ve got blueberries and a custard apple tree in the ground now – I can’t wait till everything starts producing fruit – I’m going to have a field day!! Still left to go in the ground pre-Fiji is the coffee and tea plants, but they’ll go in either this weekend or next.

Last but not least I stepped outside my comfort zone. On Monday I learnt to drive a bobcat. For my very first go I was impressed. It did take some time to convince me to give it a go, but once I was in there and in charge of the controls it was amazing!! I’ve even got some proof!

The Happiness Challenge

As the days are counting down and I get closer and closer to my island getaway, I find myself more and more worried about how my depression will affect my holiday. I don’t want it to. I want to enjoy Fiji and all it has to offer, from the Sobeto Mud Baths to the Sleeping Giant and kayaking and everything else I would like to do. I’ve decided to take a proactive step in the right direction.

Just like all those ab/squat challenges floating around, this is my challenge for June. This is working on my mental health over my physical health. It’s gradually increasing, there’s time to reflect each week and I believe that by the end of June I’ll be feeling a lot better for it.

Who’s with me?

Here are some positive affirmations to get you started:

I love my body and I will feed it nutrition.

My skin glows because of how I nurture it.

I exercise because it makes me feel good.

Regardless of whether these are true right now, say them, repeat them, daily, frequently and you will start to believe them. I believe this is the key to your journey.

Make sure your compliments are honest, by this, I mean that you need to believe it. Find something positive in each of those around you to compliment them on. This will have a flow on effect. You will feel great at the end of it.

Are you game to do this with me? I’ve printed my copy out to go on the bathroom mirror.