Rocky River Run Expectations Crash Down

Firstly I must apologise. I know it feels like forever the last time I wrote, but due to circumstances outside of my control, this is my first opportunity.

Don’t worry - I’ll share everything I can remember to make up for it.

So Sunday was the famous Rocky River Run. By late Saturday afternoon my nerves were already taking over my body and then a sleepless night ahead didn’t help either. I put all that out of mind when the alarm went off Sunday morning and begrudgingly I got out of bed and into the jelly moulds and racerback that would be my ‘costume’ for the day. I say costume because it just doesn’t look quite right on me J

 

I found a park easily enough, same place as last year, I walked over to where people were congregating when my bladder decided to take control. Apparently several visits to the loo that morning weren’t enough and I needed to go again! The line up was horrific, as it always is when it comes to ladies’ toilets. I could hear the MC calling for the runners to start getting ready, I checked my watch, I still had about seven minutes to go. I managed to get through and head over to the main group before the starting pistol was fired.

I took off slow and steady, keeping the story of the turtle and hare firm in my head. As we veered round the first corner, most of the group had overtaken me and I could see it wouldn’t be long till I was last. I kept pushing and fighting, I managed to run a lot further than I first thought before I commenced on my typical ‘interval running’ which consists of jogging and then power walking and repeat.

Feeling the cool air, I felt good. Even with less preparation and training than last year I felt confident that I would beat my time. Confident that this was my race – I owned it. As I approached the fields, which were all sloppy from the recent wet weather, I asked one of the marshalls if we were half way yet. He responded that he was over half way! I was elated!!

Two marshalls later (roughly) I was advised that only then was I half way. I looked at my watch. The time wasn’t good. My heart sunk. There and then I knew that I hadn’t trained enough. I knew that I was cutting it fine with wanting to beat my time, but I kept persevering.

The most motivating part of running a long race (it’s long for me) is the encouragement from those around you. Obviously my fellow ten km racers were all gone, but the 21 km racers were on their second lap. As they ‘lapped me’ they would call out words of encouragement:

“This is a run, not a walk darl, you can do this” and I’d jog a bit further after being lifted.

“You’re doing so well, on the home stretch now” and again, I’d jog a little bit further.

“Keep up the great work, you’re doing awesome” and once again, I’d jog.

With each encouragement, I’d keep going, keep pushing. Without these words of motivation from the experienced runners, I would have been even slower than I was.

As I ran the final two hundred meters, I could hear the odd applause from the sideline and encouraging commentary. I felt spurred on. I kept pushing, I nearly sprinted the last little bit.

I’d finished. I finished the run. Had I beat my time? Sadly, no. To say I was disappointed wouldn’t even start to touch the tip of the iceberg. I felt like I’d let myself down and you, all my readers down too.

The silver lining on this cloud? I was approached by one of the 21km runners who suggested I look into the beginner’s run club that was being started by the Rocky Road Runners on Monday 10^th June. Guess there’s no harm in looking around, hey?

 

When Emotion Overflows

Every morning is a struggle. For some reason, my ‘get up and go’ has been MIA for the last few weeks. I didn’t think anyone had really noticed. Today I found out they had.

I know it’s my fault that I’ve been tardy. I realise that’s my problem. No, my work isn’t behind. Yes, I am still completing all my daily tasks.

So why is it so hard for me to be on time, when I was once a person who was never late?

Admittedly I’ve adjusted the alarms for my week away from Bootcamp. I’ve allowed myself to catch up on some sleep and to adjust to the new medication. That shouldn’t be making me late though. I’m definitely up early enough. Normally everything is pretty organised and ready to go. So what’s the trigger? What holds me back so much?

Emotion.

The thoughts running through my head pushing each other out of the way and fighting to be first in the line-up.  Everything flashes through my mind, everything relating to anything like weightloss, food, eating clean, families, friends – everything. It’s like a whirlwind of disjointed information. Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts for only a few minutes, sometimes it’s a lot longer and unfortunately it’s these moments that have their greatest bearings on my life.

I’ve contemplated taking time out till everything balances back out, but there’s no guaranteed time frame. I can’t sit at home and do nothing whilst time just ticks on by. So here I am, confessing to the world of online jibberish.

Sunday is my 10km fun run, so wish me well – I haven’t really trained so I’m not expecting too much. Last year my time was 1 hr 21 mins – I’d love to beat it but won’t hold my breath.

Have you been through something similar? Are you going through it right now? Any tips or advise would be graciously accepted!

Cake for Breakfast.

I can feel the judging stares and thoughts already.

She said what? Really? Surely not… She knows how bad that is, right? Isn’t she trying to shed weight? What on earth is she thinking??

Sometimes things change. More to the point, priorities change.

Yes, I am trying to shed weight. Yes, I did have cake for breakfast. Are you willing to let me tell my story before you judge me?

I’ve been quiet for a little while as I’ve had a few days off work. Days to focus on other things in my life, trying to rebalance everything.

I’ve now officially started on the 12 Week Body Transformation. You’ve all seen my starting pics and my data has been updated. I still haven’t added in my measurements, but I have them and I just need to take the time.  The groceries have all been bought for my 12wbt nutritional menu and the planning has been done for me, now I just need to follow it.

So I had a birthday for a very special person in my life this week. It’s been a while since I had baked a cake with all the trimmings so I thought I’d jump in and do it. I made a choc/butter marble cake and filled it with blueberry, banana cream and decorated it with chocolate, strawberries and cream. It tasted devine. As I had things to do on Tuesday, I had my slice for breakfast. To be honest, I had another slice for afternoon tea too. Then I removed the temptation by sending the cake away to be gone from my watering eyes and mouth!

This is not a regular occurrence. I don’t always have cake for breakfast. In fact I can’t think of the last time I did. This week I did. I do not feel guilty because this is life. I realise that I need to work twice as hard this week to make up for it and I’m willing to do that.

Last night I made the famous 12WBT Beef Stroganoff and at just over 300 cals per serve I was stuffed!! The servings were huge!! Looking at how much pasta I ‘should’ have compared to how much I ‘used to’ have is a clear explanation as to how I became obese. I was eating enough pasta for about 10-15 people in one sitting! Wowsers my portion control was out of control!

Tonight I challenge the treadmill to 10km in preparation for the Rocky River Run and to ensure I beat my goals. I’ll chat again tomorrow xx

PS Not sure why but my pictures won't load the right way - consider it my way of helping you stretch your neck...

PB Smashing Time!

What PB (personal bests) have you challenged yourself to beat this year?

Even whilst I’m still over 100kg I tend to jump in feet first to things and just hope I can swim (or at least float). I started this trend last year by competing in the Rocky River Run, which is a fun run in Rockhampton, Central Qld in June. Last year I nominated for 10km. The second I paid my noms I was sure I’d clock in last. My goal last year was to beat 1 hour 30 minutes.

I did it. I beat my goal.

  

Not only did I beat it, I smashed it at just over 1 hour 21 minutes.

This year when the talk started about this fun run I thought about how embarrassed I was that I hadn’t lost any further weight, in fact I’d gained. I was very tempted to just sign up for the 5km and take the easy route and forget about it all. As all these thoughts were going through my head, one voice was stronger and louder than all the others. A very good friend of mine has a quote that regularly kicks me back into line:

So I’ve signed up for the 10 km.

I’m honestly not sure how I’ll go this year. I’ve had a huge break from training and have only just kicked back into gear in the last few weeks. Do I dare to dream? Do I dare to stretch? Setting my goal to hit the same time last year might be the logical thing but it’s not the Camilla thing. I’m pushing for a run finishing under 1 hr 15 mins – is it possible? Hell yeah! I just have to focus and increase the intensity of my training.

With everything else going on, can I do this? Am I overloading myself and heading for failure? I don’t think I am – what are your thoughts?